I don't write as much as I used to. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm scared of what might come out of my mind. I've been a bit of a scared kitten these last 5 months. Quitting my job was the right thing to do; not having a job lined up was definitely not the way to go. I was managing there for a bit to pay the bills. Barely. Most of my cash is spent on booze and food. There is a numb feeling that occasionally courses through my being. Then I find myself crying to parts of Sex & the City. Pathetic. Losing faith in humanity...little by little. If there is such a thing as paying for your sins from a previous life, then I must have fucked so much shit up during it. I can't help others. I can barely help myself. Words of encouragement are like daggers to my sanity, when they should be uplifting my determination to get it together. It makes me feel worse about everything I've let fall to the wayside. The weather and the earth are freaking me out on a regular basis. It's all changing and I fear not for the better. I think humans are about to be tested on their abilities of survival. We aren't ready. I know I'm not.
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