if only you knew how this feels inside then maybe you might understand

I can't seem to find the words to be able to describe the unbelievable amount of pain that is residing within these bones. It's as though they don't exist. They aren't there. I black out. I'm tired. I just can't remember anymore. It's all becoming a terrifying blur. Really, I'm scared. You're scared OF me. I don't blame you. I couldn't. I'm trying to leave you alone. I sit in my room all by myself and the tears come out of nowhere. The sadness rises and there's nothing holding them back.

You just suck. No, really. You do!

You are unbelievable! Each and every single one of you! You never mean what you say. You hardly ever say anything at all. What am I supposed to think? I am utterly confused. In a constant state of confusion. You might mean the things that you say to me? How in the hell is that supposed to make me feel? It makes me feel like an asshole to be honest with you. After all this time, after all we have been through. Now? You never realize what you got till it's gone. Ain't that the truth?

I want to kiss you so bad that I think I might scream! Just let me back in a little bit will ya? What are you afraid of? I mean, are you afraid of me still? Shit, I really fucked up this time.

rid of me

your hugs are emotionless, while mine are holding on for dear life.

this constant yearning to turn it all back. drinking the pain.

pins and needles in my chest. tragedy.

when you are near, chills resonate through out my entire body and i get

the shakes. now i'm always nervous.

you look like a stranger

every time i see you now, you look like somebody else. i know it's you, but it's not who i thought i used to know. it's hard for me to even look at you. even believe that you can see me too. i get sea-sick and faint-hearted with an urgency to run as fast as i can in the opposite direction. confrontation is deadly.

Say Something, Say Anything

I hear the same phrase over and over again: I don't know what to say. It's extremely agitating and makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs for ever saying anything to you at all! I mean, why should I bother telling you how I feel when you have absolutely nothing to say? Am I wasting my tears and my breath? This isn't getting easier with time. It's getting worse. I hate that it went from being an important part of every day to see and talk to one another to not hearing a single thing from you days at a time. I know you're busy, but what do you think I'm doing? I'm just as busy as you are. I miss you. I still need you...very much. Please don't let me go.

Slowly Fading Away

He's slipping away. There's nothing that I can do about it. This was the choice made, but it wasn't supposed to be this way. It just wasn't.....Every time it enters my thoughts, tears begin to crawl into the corners of my eyes. I feel ashamed that I couldn't make things better, couldn't make things work....didn't know what to do. Now there's an emptiness taking hold and trying to take over. I must not let that happen. Your eyes don't like me anymore.

dark side of my eye

i'm tired of being used for whatever purpose they need. when do I get the support that I need? not just to use, but to acknowledge and praise and respect it. i'm always around when i'm needed. i can't seem to find someone to be that for me. i've been here to help put them on their path towards where ever they are supposed to go. i guess the difference is that i don't have or want to go anywhere. except to drink myself into the oblivion. that sounds like a nice place. i mean, fucking seriously! i go to the extreme to help people and i don't get shit for it! i think i'm going to get a new tattoo tom. no, i don't think i am! i'm so angry right now! i have a right to be!

Please Call Please Call Please Call

Ever want something so bad, you start going berserk about it? A constant longing that even the thought of the possibilities between make me smile and flutter with extreme excitement. I get all giddy and girly. Sending out the positive vibes. Come to me, I'll take care of you.