if only you knew how this feels inside then maybe you might understand

I can't seem to find the words to be able to describe the unbelievable amount of pain that is residing within these bones. It's as though they don't exist. They aren't there. I black out. I'm tired. I just can't remember anymore. It's all becoming a terrifying blur. Really, I'm scared. You're scared OF me. I don't blame you. I couldn't. I'm trying to leave you alone. I sit in my room all by myself and the tears come out of nowhere. The sadness rises and there's nothing holding them back.